One mistake some divorcing couples make is to neglect thinking about how to create a good co-parenting relationship until it’s too late. Each is so focused on getting what they want in the divorce, that they fail to consider how their present actions will affect their future relationship.
If, instead you enter the divorce negotiations remembering that you will still need to work together for years to raise your children, it can help you seek ways to make that easier.
Here are two common attitudes people take that harm their co-parenting prospects:
I want my child to be with me more than with their other parent
Most parents want this, but you can’t both have it. A judge will seek a compromise where you both get to spend a good amount of time with your child. Understanding that from the outset allows you both to take less extreme stances. Accepting you will need to compromise is a key first step.
It’s all your fault we are divorcing
Maybe it is, but it’s unlikely. More probable is that you both made errors or did not put in enough effort to make the marriage work. Or simply that it was not meant to be, and that going your separate ways is best for both of you.
Playing the blame game is easy in a divorce, but it’s not productive. The reality you both need to face is that your marriage is ending and your new lives are about to begin. Focusing on how to finalize things rather than on past problems allows you to move on sooner.
Remember that the more mud you sling at each other during a divorce, the harder it will be to co-parent. You also risk harming your children, as they are bound to overhear bad things you say about each other.
Taking the best course of action during the heat of a divorce can be challenging. Outside advice can help you stay focused and set the foundations for an easier future relationship as co-parents.