When parents decide to divorce, it’s natural for children to feel confused, anxious and even frightened. Parents can help ease these feelings by explaining the divorce process in a way that children can understand. Kids don’t need to know all the legal details, but there are a few important things they should know to feel more secure during this challenging time.
One of the most important things – if not the single most important thing – kids should understand about divorce is that it is not their fault. Children often internalize their parents’ separation, wondering if something they did caused it. Parents should reassure their children that divorce is an adult decision based on reasons that have nothing to do with the child. Making sure kids feel loved and valued by both parents can help ease any guilt or confusion they might feel.
They are loved and will be cared for
Children need to know that, despite the changes in the family structure, both parents love them and will continue to be there for them. Explaining that love is constant, even if living arrangements are changing, can help to reassure kids. Parents can emphasize that even though they won’t be living together, both parents are committed to being actively involved in their lives. And, if for any reason, one parent is no longer going to be present, reassuring kids that the remaining parent has their back could not possibly be more important.
Change will occur in stages
Kids should understand that divorce is a process that won’t happen overnight. Explaining that it may take time to settle into new routines can help them prepare for the adjustments ahead. Parents should tell them that the family will work together to get through the process and that things will eventually feel more settled.