Are you thinking about filing for divorce? You’re not alone.
Studies indicate that a lot of people consider divorce at some point. Even if they’re not taking steps in that direction and may not seriously want a divorce, roughly 25% of married people have thought about divorce at least once in the last six months, while slightly more than half (53%) of married people consider it at some point in their marriage.
According to psychologists, if you’re thinking about ending your marriage, you fall into one of four camps. Knowing which one you’re in may predict your likelihood of acting on those feelings.
The different approaches to marital struggles
Essentially, if you’re looking at your marriage and feeling unsatisfied, you’re likely to respond in one of four ways, depending upon your style and personality:
- Intense seekers: These only make up about 6%, and they are aggressive about trying to fix whatever they see as wrong in their marriages. They tend to be younger, more educated and more committed to interventions like counseling than others – but they also are more likely to actually get divorced. It’s possible that they are so determined to fix their relationships that they actually drive their spouses away.
- Moderate-fading seekers: These folks are the next-smallest group, and they tend to try to work on their failing marriages pretty hard – for a while. Then their enthusiasm for fixing things just fades away. They’re also the least likely to actually divorce and may just quietly accept their discontentment without ever resolving the issues in the marriage that make them unhappy.
- Private-sustained seekers: These are the second-largest group, and they tend to avoid professional help for their marriages, but they’re consistent about trying to find ways to repair the cracks in their unions. They tend to rely more on “self-help” options to try to resolve their problems with their spouses, but many of them fail. They have the second-highest divorce rates.
- Minimal-private seekers: Most people fall into this category, and they like to keep their marital woes to themselves. They are generally reluctant to address their marital problems at all – and they are most likely to stay married but unhappily so.
What does all this information do for you? Well, once you recognize your “pattern” or “type,” you can decide whether you want to step outside of your comfort zone and try something different. In any case, if you’re unhappily married, it may be time to seek legal guidance.